Because Love is not Something You Earn

One of the worst feelings you can ever experience, is realising that you are not worth as much as you thought to someone you love.

This could happen in a love relationship where you invest your attention, care and time while your partner just does not seem as excited. It could happen with a friend to whom you have given priority but they seem to choose others over you who appear to be less loyal. Rejection hurts people. Humans were created to be loved.

close up of tree against sky
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When you end up in a circumstance where someone likes you until you do something unfavourable you discover that you are only loved conditionally. Every single assiduous detail goes down the drain in the wake of what could range from a small misstep to an all out disaster. Is it possible to be perfection tailored to people’s expectations?

While we usually have to work for respect, love is not something we should feel like we have to earn. Work can be a result of love, Jacob worked for Rachel’s hand in marriage from her father Laban because he loved her. But unconditional love cannot be the result of work. When a baby is born, a mother looks upon the child with such love that she is willing to endure any amount of pain for him or her. The child does not have to live long enough to gain the mother’s love. While it grows over time, the seed was already there.

grayscale photo of baby feet with father and mother hands in heart signs
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We did not have to work for God to love us. If we did, we could never earn it.

Romans 3: 10-12 reminds us that, throughout the Earth,

“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

None of us were interested in God. None of us in ourselves desire Him or look for Him. Yet, He loves us so much He continuously pursues us. Why would someone love another no matter what the other does?

Greater love had no man than this that a man lay down His life for His friends. John 15.13

Can we say that we love others to that extent no matter what they do to us? That we would give our lives? A man could offend us and a lot of us are ready to write him off for life. A friend could differ in opinion and we quickly change our perception of him.

However, if we love God we would do as He commands, we would love each other (v17). He did not say determine who you think is worthwhile to love. He simply said to do it.

stack of love wooden blocks
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If we love God, loving others becomes a natural outflow. Love can become a very contagious thing. We love God only because He first loved us and we experienced it. Often, a bride grows to love a husband because she is so touched by the extent of his love for her.

This is not always the case however and unrequited love is an issue more of us suffer from than we would like to admit. Some of us slave unrelentingly behind people who ignore, forget, mistreat or dislike us.

If you feel this way, remember you can find refuge in Christ. If you can find it absolutely nowhere else you’re guaranteed it there.

If you feel this way, please let alone those who feel harassed by your efforts. Sometimes you just need time to get through to others but do not obsess laboriously over garnering the attention of people who do not want you. While pursuit is an expression of love, respecting one’s wishes to be left alone can also be.

If you feel this way, do not harbour resentment. It will only distract you from experiencing any love that comes your way or from sharing some with someone else who can really use it.

If you feel this way, and cannot overcome your feelings of hurt, cynicism and negativity find a patient, trusted leader or friend who will listen to you and help you work through over time.

If you feel this way, go to places where your energies can be used productively. There are so many out there in need of love, thoughts, help and kindness. Sometimes we only need to spare a little bit.

woman holding heart cut out
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If you feel this way, remember that love is not a competition. Anyone who makes you feel like there is more you can add or take away to make yourself more worthy of love is trying to convert you into an idea. We all have aspects we can work on or improve, but when someone is always dissatisfied with you, you will spend the rest of your life on your toes, with your true self buried under layers of opinion based plastic surgery.

If you feel this way, old people say ketch yuh crowd. It’s mod to say find your tribe. Whoever it is connect with people who will show you unconditional love, seamless, true, sturdy and boundless. They are usually people we inadvertently, casually dismiss because no matter what we do they aren’t going anywhere! Treasure them! The more you nurture them the more capable they can become in watering you.

If you feel this way, sit down and write out a list of reasons why you believe you are worthy of love then take note of the people who love you beyond those reasons. It is so very important to ensure that you are on that list. If you can love yourself beyond every flaw, internal or external, it will help your confidence in such a way that you do not constantly rely on love from the outside to determine your value.

It is key to remember that people come and go. And although we can be partly responsible for their departure when we make mistakes and poor decisions, we cannot imprison ourselves in the thought that we are not enough to be loved.

You, yes you, no matter how unworthy you feel, you’re lovable. When you recognise that, when you feel it, when you know it, please go and remind somebody else that they are too!

-CiCi

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